ER

As fate will have it, puking in the zoo is not enough; they are throwing in a last-minute ear infection as well. Often that will cure itself in about a week, but sometimes it does not and escalates to be pretty bad by the time I go to see a doctor. Since next week I will be going up and down into the air twice and since the paracetamol (or since I am in the US right now I should probably call it acetaminophen) did not relief the pain to acceptable levels I opted for a trip to the doctor, or actually to the emergency room, since my colleague found about one month ago that when in need for a doctor that is the easiest place to go to.
I was expecting long waiting times in the waiting room, but actually I was up within a couple of minutes. First one nurse asked me some basic questions about my ear, allergies, other drug use etc. Then I was told to go to one of the treatment rooms, where after a few minutes another nurse came to take my vitals. She then send me back to the waiting room, where one minute later they called my name to the registration desk, of course the system does not work when you do not have a social security number and a European health insurance card. I told the lady that I could pay in cash if she wanted me to, but she said that was not necessary, they would treat me anyway. She scanned my ID and insurance card and then somebody else could work out how to put it in the system. Then I could go back to the waiting room again and one minute later somebody called me to the treatment area, where I was asked again to sit down and wait. A couple of minutes later Billy walked in, and if I had to describe Billy I would say he was not the brightest light out there. Billy did not know anybody was in the room, but he introduced himself as the nurse and asked me again some of the questions that I was asked before but that were on the form he was responsible for. Then he told me to wait for the doctor and left. About 5 to 10 minutes later the doctor arrived, he took a painful look at my ear, said there was something there but he could not see clearly what it was (of course not, Murphy’s law still applies). He said he would prescribe something and asked me whether I was driving home, so I said I would go back to work afterwards (the hospital is right next to the children’s hospital so I got there on foot), but that I would be driving back home later. He asked how much later and appeared to be satisfied with my answer, then he told me to wait. A bit later Billy walked in again and told me he had some medicines for me, he walked away and I got up to follow him, but no… I had to wait. While I was waiting, I hear the people outside ask Billy whether he had every irrigated an ear before and Billy’s reply was “euh, no?” (with a question mark!). I quite rapidly deduced that it was my ear they were talking about, and I knew from experience that ‘irrigation’ means ‘to flush with a lot of force’ and that it is no fun when your ear is inflamed. So they (=the people outside, but NOT Billy) had a whole discussion about why Billy had never irrigated an ear before, until Billy asked: “So what do I dissolve this stuff in?”. Well Billy, that is not what I needed to hear for comfort. My ear may hurt, but it still serves it purpose of picking up sound waves. And then about 3 minutes after the other people replied to dissolve it in 50/50 peroxide and warm water, I hear him ask: “So how do I heat this stuff, just put it in the microwave?” Then Billy walked in with the meds that the doctor prescribed; two vicodin (don’t know (or knew at the time) what that is) and two ibuprophen. Yes pain is regarded as a very bad thing here, so any treatment plan is primarily focused on pain relief. He asked me whether I wanted to wait with the irrigation process till the pain killers started kicking in, but I figured that that would only take longer so I said it was okay to go ahead and do it now. Then Billy left again and I think you can imagine my relief when another nurse walked in two minutes later to irrigate my ear. And lucky I was indeed! She told me she knew how it feels to have your irrigated, so she would be very careful, and she was! I’ve never had this procedure done while my ear was fully inflamed with only this little pain. I asked her about the driving, was that just because you sometimes get dizzy from the irrigation procedure, or was there another reason. That’s when I found out that vicodin is a narcotic, when I asked her whether it would be okay to drive back after work, she told me that I could not even work anymore, although after I told her what I do she said that I could probably not harm anybody by sitting behind a computer, so it would be okay. Really people, I appreciate that you want to ease my pain, but please give me the options of being without pain but fully doped up, or with a little pain that I’d just have to suck up while fully conscious, BEFORE you dope me up. Then the nurse left and I was waiting again. And I was waiting for quite a while without really knowing who or what I was waiting for, but then the doctor came back, looked at the ear and said that he would prescribe some eardrops and I could just wait there till they got the eardrops from the pharmacy. So he left and I was waiting again, until the pain-killers kicked in. And oh boy, what great pain-killers they were! And how great was the nap I had waiting for the eardrops :). I was awakened I think about 30 minutes later by the doctor walking in, he asked how I was doing and administered the eardrops. I had to wait for 2 or 3 more minutes with my head tilted and then Billy was back to discharge me. I forgot to ask him how I would have to pay for this all, but they have me details, so I think I will hear from them at some point.
Just for future reference: two vicodin is indeed enough to not allow you to work anymore (especially if you usually do not take anything stronger than 500 mg paracetamol). I managed to write this story down, I will go home with one of my colleagues to have dinner there and then see whether I can make it home. Let's just hope they will not make me take a urine test any time soon. And question: If you have ear drops with steroid, will it make the muscles in your ear more pronounced and if so, what would that be useful for?